Me me me

Argh~~~ The same feeling again... Shit.. I didn't mean to hurt. I couldn't control myself! I was trying very hard to accept what you are but.. I cant control the feeling arose. I can't stop it. I'm sorry...

Man.. Please please stop nagging me.. It's more than enough. I know what I am..

I'm sorry for what I did.. Please don't cry~~~~

Im happy~~~~

LOL... Why my previous posts all so moody??? Okayla.. At least now Im happy!. I mean IM REALLY HAPPY!!!! I love my BB so so much! Muackss!! Love ya love ya love ya!

Can't stop Can't stop!!!

Oh god.. I just cant stop thinking about it. Shit.. Keep waiting and waiting and waiting. For what??? Damn it.. I hate being like this again.. No choice but PLAY~~ Forget the reality by entering the gaming atmosphere. Am I insane? Nearly I think.

Yea.. I have stopped taking picture... Please don't ask why anymore. No point taking it. As if I would send to anyone else again... No. It will just hurt me more and more.

Shit.. Why so sad? I still have long path to walk. New people to meet. New things to learn. That decision I made it myself. 'Waiting for the old one instead of looking for the new one" Should I let it knock me down now? I won't die without men. What's the point being a millionaire, but you can't buy the thing you desire the most?

How much I wish I never had a feeling. Banana, how can I say forget then forget? Is he really a lousy guy? No!! I was the one being lousy. Shit Shit Shit!! I hate being honest to myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dying

The feeling.. is stronger than i thought... It's killing me Again.. Im tired.. Im sick of it. I know I was wrong. Im sorry..

Smart and Stupid had a fight. Stupid won. Smart left me and Luck was going with Smart. So now I have no Smart, no Luck...

Im dying.. My soul is trying very hard to leave my body. Trying its very best to leave me.. leave this useless body.. which cant do anything..

Regret

Now that Im regret. Damn regret. I don't want to lie and I hope there's no need to lie. I realized I had screwed everything up again. Again. Shit. Why must I ruin everything when it was all going so perfectly? Man.. I just hope that it's not too late. I still need time, more time to get ready. I wasn't trying hard and yet I'm wasting time here. I have to become better. Im sorry I really am... But i need time to be better and I promise I will try. I need to learn more and more and more. Please, wait... I don't care what's the feedback going to be, but at least, let me explain...

I want to explain.. Im serious this time.

Honesty-1

I dreamt last night...

I dreamt of him. It's not the usual dreams that I always had before - that he finally came back to me without any explanations about why he left, and I forgave him just like that. But the last dream was different, I cried and asked him to stay with me, and he told me at last, "I found a new one..". That the only sentence I remembered, and suprisingly, I smiled and wished him. All sincerely..

This had been a long time since I was honest to myself and even to people around.. I didn't show people how i really felt and thoughts. Whenever i felt there's something i didn't want to share, I would just shut up instead of lying. I'm not good at it. Still, Im not honest to other people, even to myself... I lied to myself that i could move on without him, without any changes in my life...

I had a 'lifeless' life before... It had been more than three years from now. I can't remember what I did in the past few minutes. It took time for me to realize what i was actually doing. The tears rolled down my cheeks without my consciousness. It was not surprised to find bruises or cuts on my hands or legs. I felt numb. The time went slow.. Every minutes passed longer than an hour. Only games can help me passed the time. Nightmares every nights. Though there were not really nightmares.. It's just that, it was so perfect dream that I would want to sleep forever, because I knew that if I woke up from it, everything vanished and had forced to be back to reality. I hated it... If you are not giving it to me forever, why did you giv it to me at the first time..?

I had been reading too much nowdays. Until my eyes blurred and head spinned. I just finished "New Moon". I was so addicted to it because her case was very close to mine. I can't help crying while reading it. It reminded me again and again about my 'lifeless" past. I'm still trying very hard to back to my normal life. Though sometimes i felt myself was so 'fake'. Fake smiles, fake responsess... What a hypocrite.. I'm getting used to say 'yes yes yes' as my usual response. So that I wouldnt need to explain more. I daydreamed a lot. That sometimes I will lost in mind. I wasnt thinking anything. But blank.. It's just white colour and nothing in it, no sounds no people. I think that's the only time I could rest my brain for just few minutes.

I wanted to write it down. So that when i became a hypocrite and pretending again. I'd know there was a truth buried underneath the lies. At least be honest to myself once in a long while...

Here are some pictures I would like to share with you. XD

Hello Kitty!

A cute teddy bear sleeping!! ^^

P-I-N-K-Y DOG!

Erm.. Whatever it's called..

A Burger Frog?? O.o

Will you eat those dishes?

Lol.. I think this blog is more about my feelings and thoughts la.. If write about my current life sure very boring one. Then everyone won't come to my blog anymore. Kakaka.. XP Unless for girls who want to know where got handsome guys or rich guys, sms me privately then i will let you know. But I can't promise they are singles okay? Haha!

Okay la. Will update again when free. Take care ma frenz.. Muackss muackss!