Apologize

I'm sorry for what I did...

I'm sorry for being moody
I'm sorry for raising my voice
I'm sorry that I said "I hate you"
I'm sorry for not trusting you
I'm sorry for being selfish
I'm sorry for not being better but worse
I'm sorry for not answering your calls
I'm sorry for not replying your messages
I'm sorry I didn't want to talk to you
I'm sorry for not understanding
I'm sorry for what I said although I know it hurts...

I'm sorry for not apologize to you face to face. Because I know you will say, "Never mind."

No matter what I said, you will always be the one I love the most. *shy*=)

Alone

Sometimes, when I think think think... The deeper I stepped into the love sea, the more I would want to stay away from the truth... The truth hurts me.. Lies would be helpful to keep a distance between me and the truth... Ergo, lies cant keep long...

Is that love? How long can it last? I'm not sure.. But I'm fear that it would fade... I'm afraid that you are not there whenever I need you..

I'm just an ordinary girl.. I just want a family, that keeps me warm and gives me ever lasting love... Are you willing to give me that promises? Or would you keep your promise...? I ain't here to get answers.. Or better, excuses... I am still me, that wouldn't trust anyone except myself... The deepest one inside myself.

Sometimes I would ask.. "If I was alone, would it be better?"

I wonder why....

I wonder why you don't like him. He is much more better then the others. Why don't you look at the brighter side before you disagreed with me?

Fine.. Sigh.. I wondered how I can let you know that I'm serious this time... Okay. Now at least I know you don want me to be serious. I know I gave you a shock today.. I never ever said I want to cook before.. But the feeling just came. And you know I cant stop that, the feeling came, I just want to do it.

I don't want to hide anything from him, if only I have a choice. I don't want him to get hurt. I will be sorry for that. But sometimes it's pretty sad if hide everything inside myself..

If my boyfriend was a perfect one, I can't promise that I will be with him forever. But if my boyfriend was an imperfect one, I won't leave him no matter what.. I keep my word. *wink*

Thoughts

I am sincerely sorry for my very late update. I am neither busy nor "lifeless" again. The truth is, I am lazy. Haha! Never changed. Okay..

First of all.. I want to wish my friends who r in serious relationships now. Hope you guys appreciate each others and give time 2 each other, try to understand each other and so on. Hope ya happy together forever. ^^

Hmm... Sometimes i wonder, 'What am I doing?' But you know, it's really hard to determine or conclude whether it's right or wrong. I am sure you do understand right? Your mind is telling you to do this, but you are doing the other way. It's not rational, no meanings, no benefits, no intention. It's just you. You know what is the best, you know exactly what you should do, but it's very annoying that, there's a very strong mind deeply inside your brain tell you that you shouldn't do what you think is right, but do whatever you want to do. Okay.. I know it's a bit confusing.. I hope it's just a bit? If you don't understand at all, er.. You may just skip it, I dont mind. It's just what I am thinking it right now.. May be I am just too free or may be I am just insane? Haha.. It happens sometimes... Then I will keep asking myself, 'Is it right? Why am I doing this? What will happen next? What if I didn't do it? ' The same questions appear again, again and again in my mind.

It's not very good to miss someone too much. I always keep it in mind. Haha! I can't control my mind but, i can control my actions. Most of the time, things do not work that way you expected them to be. Sometimes, I have to admit that, my brother is right.

I know the elders are disturbing sometimes, stopping you do this and that but, what they tell you you probably just don't obey or agree but at very least, you listen. It may not be helpful now but who knows in the future? Respect, watch your manners, be patient...

Alright, I think I'll stop now for this time. I know it's getting boring. XP Okay, I'll try to update a better one next time k? Take care everyone. ^^

Me me me

Argh~~~ The same feeling again... Shit.. I didn't mean to hurt. I couldn't control myself! I was trying very hard to accept what you are but.. I cant control the feeling arose. I can't stop it. I'm sorry...

Man.. Please please stop nagging me.. It's more than enough. I know what I am..

I'm sorry for what I did.. Please don't cry~~~~

Im happy~~~~

LOL... Why my previous posts all so moody??? Okayla.. At least now Im happy!. I mean IM REALLY HAPPY!!!! I love my BB so so much! Muackss!! Love ya love ya love ya!

Can't stop Can't stop!!!

Oh god.. I just cant stop thinking about it. Shit.. Keep waiting and waiting and waiting. For what??? Damn it.. I hate being like this again.. No choice but PLAY~~ Forget the reality by entering the gaming atmosphere. Am I insane? Nearly I think.

Yea.. I have stopped taking picture... Please don't ask why anymore. No point taking it. As if I would send to anyone else again... No. It will just hurt me more and more.

Shit.. Why so sad? I still have long path to walk. New people to meet. New things to learn. That decision I made it myself. 'Waiting for the old one instead of looking for the new one" Should I let it knock me down now? I won't die without men. What's the point being a millionaire, but you can't buy the thing you desire the most?

How much I wish I never had a feeling. Banana, how can I say forget then forget? Is he really a lousy guy? No!! I was the one being lousy. Shit Shit Shit!! I hate being honest to myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dying

The feeling.. is stronger than i thought... It's killing me Again.. Im tired.. Im sick of it. I know I was wrong. Im sorry..

Smart and Stupid had a fight. Stupid won. Smart left me and Luck was going with Smart. So now I have no Smart, no Luck...

Im dying.. My soul is trying very hard to leave my body. Trying its very best to leave me.. leave this useless body.. which cant do anything..

Regret

Now that Im regret. Damn regret. I don't want to lie and I hope there's no need to lie. I realized I had screwed everything up again. Again. Shit. Why must I ruin everything when it was all going so perfectly? Man.. I just hope that it's not too late. I still need time, more time to get ready. I wasn't trying hard and yet I'm wasting time here. I have to become better. Im sorry I really am... But i need time to be better and I promise I will try. I need to learn more and more and more. Please, wait... I don't care what's the feedback going to be, but at least, let me explain...

I want to explain.. Im serious this time.

Honesty-1

I dreamt last night...

I dreamt of him. It's not the usual dreams that I always had before - that he finally came back to me without any explanations about why he left, and I forgave him just like that. But the last dream was different, I cried and asked him to stay with me, and he told me at last, "I found a new one..". That the only sentence I remembered, and suprisingly, I smiled and wished him. All sincerely..

This had been a long time since I was honest to myself and even to people around.. I didn't show people how i really felt and thoughts. Whenever i felt there's something i didn't want to share, I would just shut up instead of lying. I'm not good at it. Still, Im not honest to other people, even to myself... I lied to myself that i could move on without him, without any changes in my life...

I had a 'lifeless' life before... It had been more than three years from now. I can't remember what I did in the past few minutes. It took time for me to realize what i was actually doing. The tears rolled down my cheeks without my consciousness. It was not surprised to find bruises or cuts on my hands or legs. I felt numb. The time went slow.. Every minutes passed longer than an hour. Only games can help me passed the time. Nightmares every nights. Though there were not really nightmares.. It's just that, it was so perfect dream that I would want to sleep forever, because I knew that if I woke up from it, everything vanished and had forced to be back to reality. I hated it... If you are not giving it to me forever, why did you giv it to me at the first time..?

I had been reading too much nowdays. Until my eyes blurred and head spinned. I just finished "New Moon". I was so addicted to it because her case was very close to mine. I can't help crying while reading it. It reminded me again and again about my 'lifeless" past. I'm still trying very hard to back to my normal life. Though sometimes i felt myself was so 'fake'. Fake smiles, fake responsess... What a hypocrite.. I'm getting used to say 'yes yes yes' as my usual response. So that I wouldnt need to explain more. I daydreamed a lot. That sometimes I will lost in mind. I wasnt thinking anything. But blank.. It's just white colour and nothing in it, no sounds no people. I think that's the only time I could rest my brain for just few minutes.

I wanted to write it down. So that when i became a hypocrite and pretending again. I'd know there was a truth buried underneath the lies. At least be honest to myself once in a long while...

Here are some pictures I would like to share with you. XD

Hello Kitty!

A cute teddy bear sleeping!! ^^

P-I-N-K-Y DOG!

Erm.. Whatever it's called..

A Burger Frog?? O.o

Will you eat those dishes?

Lol.. I think this blog is more about my feelings and thoughts la.. If write about my current life sure very boring one. Then everyone won't come to my blog anymore. Kakaka.. XP Unless for girls who want to know where got handsome guys or rich guys, sms me privately then i will let you know. But I can't promise they are singles okay? Haha!

Okay la. Will update again when free. Take care ma frenz.. Muackss muackss!

Continue..

Love.. What is love?

Two friends of mine named Jane and a guy named Leon. Jane is very pretty, with fair skin, big eyes, pinky cheeks, small cute sized. Jane was working in a bank as officer. Leon is a second-hand car seller. He owns the business so he always go to the bank to get things done. That's how he met Jane. Jane had a boyfriend (old and ugly, as Leon described to me) during that time. So was Leon. But once Leon got to know Jane, he got very attracted to Jane. So he broke up with the girl friend and went after Jane. In a few weeks time, Jane dumped the old one and together with Leon. So it's when the nightmare started.
One or two months after they coupled, Leon treated her very good. He's caring and sweet all the time with her. She felt that he's the best boy friend ever. She felt she's the happiest girl in the world and she thought she would get married with Leon. But the third month, Leon starting to get control of her. She was not allowed to talk with guys. No skirts no short pants, no freedom at all. But since she thought Leon was so good with her so she just accepted it. Few months later, they told me they wanted to get married. So they asked for my opinion la. I know Leon very well because I have known this person for a long time. I know how he treated a girl before and how they ended up at last. I can't deny Jane is a good girl and most probably a good wife in future but the thing is.. Leon is not a good boy friend nor a good husband. So I told them to think over again or may be after a year more then only think about it, and they listened. (I think it's not that my words are powerful that changed their mind la. But Leon knew that marry a girl also need money $$$$.)
Leon loves to drink alcoholic drinks. He got addicted to it and it was getting worse and worse. Everytime he gets drunk, he will let out his anger and stress on Jane. Whacked her la, slapped, kicked, threw chairs on her, pulled her hair, took out her shirt and pushed her out his house, scolded her using obscene words.. All sorts of things that you could or could not imagine to torture a human being.. And you know, misfortune and troubles never come alone. Jane got pregnant. They wanted to get married but Jane's parents disagreed. Bruises everywhere on Jane's body, she thought her parents were blind.-.-" So her parents brought her to clinic to drop the baby. After Leon realized that the girl dropped the baby, of course he got very frustrated and angry. So he went to Jane's working place and whacked her in front of her colleagues. Jane felt very shame of herself. She resigned and forced to break up with Leon. End of story.
The names are fake la. It may not be the full story but it was all true. It happened last year. And do you believe? Until today, when i ask the girl, she is still telling me that she misses him..

People.. L.O.V.E

LOOK!!

I think I need to make one thing clear here la since people keep on asking me the same thing. Tzi Shang n Boon Thian are not my new boy friends okay.. For your information, they are just my normal friends that I'm not very close with.

Come on la if I really want to find a new one also not too soon.. Pei jian, if you are reading this and you are thinking that I'm lying then come we have a bet. Hey people.. I know i look playful but I'm not la.. I'm faithful, loyal in love. And girls, here is my advice la, listen or not it's up to you, you may think that he's the one but he might not think the same. So what do we do? As Mr Tee said, "Open your eyes big big and see carefully.." Observe.. Don't fall in love blindly. My experiences told me that, once you fall in love, you need to get ready in order to get hurts very badly.. Haiz.. Love.. Continue tomorrow.

My bad lecturer...

My bad lecturer named Chin Jin always bully me~~~ He said Im way too easy to get cheated. Even Hui Jun agreed with him... Sad.. How come? My friends say this called "naive", but I think it's because of "stupid".. Argh~~~~!! I forget what I told Chin jin today, he was laughing non-stop n loudly at the counter.. Hmm..

Alright, thanks to 'Ka Cheng'(she refused to tell me her real name so I just call her nickname), i think the whole college know already, so I wouldnt mind sharing with you guys here, I was early to college this morning because I studied the wrong timetable.. Swt Swt Swt.. When the moment I found out, I was already standing in the building by waiting for the lift to go upstairs to my college.. Okay.. To those who know me well, this is definately not the first time..

For those who doesn't know Hokkien, Ka Cheng means buttock! Haha!

Sharing is caring, Caring is sharing.

Date. Haha!

Okay... Met Tzi Shang just now. I thought Boon Thian(spelled something like that) was coming but i was disappointed. Haiz.. Never mind, we still have time. Ha ha! Lolx...

Hmm.. I went to Cannons(again Im not sure de spelling XP) n waited him for about 20 minutes. It wasn't really his fault because i was there early. I ordered 'Happy Platter' (kid meal XD). Because it looked tasty and most importantly it's cute! And Tzi Shang showed me his 'swt' looking face. Haha! Now I regret I didn't take a picture. If not i can show you people how attracting was the dish. Hehehe... After that, Tzi Shang explained to me about the job. Tell you guys, the place was freaking cold. Then after paying, we change our location to Old Town to meet his friends. When i reached there my first thought was 'Wow.. Many guys.. ' Im sorry la.. I was really shy that time so I couldnt talk properly with your friends. Forgive me..

When it's about 9pm i said bye to Tzi Shang and walked straight to Optics81 to get my contact lens.(Blue colour~~~) Then went to my aunt house, hung there a little while, played with the kids, went home, took bath and now online.

Specially thanks to Tzi Shang for:
-paying the bills
-carried my files
-helped me crossed road
-drive me to Old Town
-taught me new things today

Okla. That's all.

My reply..

Im sorry..
really no feelings..

Im lazy and tired all this while.. I dont wanna hurt anyone actually.. Im lazy to reply, lazy to answer the calls.. And I easily get angry I dont know why..

Guess what.. I just need a job. I really need a job. I used up a lot of money nowdays... Haiz.. I dont wanna ask from my brother more.. I need to be independent.. And I know he wouldnt allow me to do so but Im sick of asking for pocket money... That's why I need to work q-u-i-e-t-l-y...

Shhhhh....

Thanks to Tzi Shang.. I love the email.. Let us share together..

Love makes you happy but sometimes it can hurt you,
Love is only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it.,
So take your time to choose the best.

Never say 'I Love You' if you dont care,
Never talk about feelings if they arent there,
Never touch his/her life if you mean to break his/her heart,
Never look into his/her eyes if all you did were lies,
The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall or it works both ways...

Say 'Im sorry' instead of 'It's all my fault',
Say 'Im right here' instead of asking 'Where are you'
Say 'I understand' instead of 'How could you'
Say 'Im thankful you are' instead of 'I wish you were'
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go.
The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.

How to be in love:
Fall but don't stumble,
Be consistent but not too persistent,
Share and never be unfair,
Understand and try not to demand,
Get hurt but never keep the pain. (It's easy to say but hard to do..)

It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but,
It's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.
Love hurts when you break up with someone,
It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you,
But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.


A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love,
Only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be,
And that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it,
If he isn't worth it now he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now.
Let him go..... (It's very true.. But, what to do if it really happened?)


TO ALL MY FRIENDS.......
My wish for you is a man/women whose love is honest, strong, mature,
never-changing, uplifting, protective, encouraging, rewarding and unselfish.

Best regards from,
Annabell

又是我！！！

你是怎样啊？？ 大清早发我脾气…… 你有情绪我没有是不是？为什么就只有你可以发泄在我身上我不可以啊？气死我了气死我了！！

昨晚就因为怕你有很多工作，做不完又迟睡， 怕你累坏，想说今天早上我会爬不起来帮你忙。所以昨晚就问你要不要帮忙。结果你就拒绝我。自己还到两点多才睡， 你以为我不懂哦？我迟睡还不是因为要看你会忙到几点……

今天早上知道你还在忙，特地早点起身帮你的忙，你却说要做完了不用，叫我去喂潼潼吃东西。你又不是不知道你女儿是不会听人话的，你妹妹我又没耐性，她在地上滚了几个字怎样叫都不起身。就因为她不舒服我才不要拿藤条。好不容易她才坐起来，却又盖着嘴巴不要吃。哄又哄过了， 吓又吓过了， 我又不是专业人士，我可以怎样啊？？动手打她你反而还大声吼我！！好啊！我就是变态虐待狂！专欺负小孩子的！看到她们哭我很~~~心凉！你要是不喜欢，我以后都不管她！我更不会再教她了！她再坏我也不会再骂她的！这样你的宝贝女儿就不会再被我骂被我打了！你甘愿了吗？

同样的我也不会再疼她了……再宠她啊！你看她那副德行，除了你会疼她之外没人理她了啦！你竟然不分青红皂白的骂我，我生气你！你最好叫她离我十丈远，我不要看到她！

讨厌~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！